Uneasiness

I have been lying on the bed for the past hour trying to sleep. The reason of my insomnia is because of this uneasy feeling that I’m experiencing. This feeling I can’t seem to put my fingers on. What exactly is the cause of this? I have no idea. I’m completely clueless about the source of this uncomfortable feeling.
So at this time when people are snoring away, I’m left here in the cold, and dark lonely night. Pondering.. Wondering.. Left alone to suffer the burden all by myself. The night is becomig more overwhelming. Wallowing me deeper into the darkness.

Today, I get the chance to be a listening ear to someone who really needs it. It’s not a light matter that leave her heart unrest. It’s a pretty heavy burden that made her lose her appetite. I may not understand everything that she’s saying. But I do get most of her story. And when I saw those tears rolling down her cheek, my heart felt this tug. I feel for her. I may not know how it would feel like to be in her situation, but looking at her genuine tears, my heart wrenched. She’s a stranger. An old lady who really needs someone to talk to. Someone who could understand her language. I felt like she really needs that someone. And I just happened to be there. I didn’t really think much about this until now. Until I’m left within my own four walls, in the solitude of the night. I felt like I’ve lifted a little part of her burden and put it on my shoulder. Maybe that’s the cause of my uneasiness. Actually, I’m not even sure if it’s uneasiness that I’m feeling. I just can’t put my fingers on it. I did not regret being able to understand Chinese. I’m glad that I could be a listening ear to this old lady who really needs it. I sincerely hope she’ll be alright.

I wish this feeling would go away. Please give me some peace. Whatever that’s causing this, please make it go away. Now, I shall go back to my own safety zone and hope one day I could be of help to someone who really needs it.

Playing with fire

Am I playing with fire? Am I doing the right thing?
What exactly am I thinking?
All the doubts came in and made me question things. I don’t know if I should go on. I don’t want to think about all the unknown, the uncertainties. But can I really ignore it? I keep telling myself, “live life the way you want it. Don’t worry about what other people think. Be happy. Be you” but really, all these are so much easier to be said than done. I want to. I want to ignore everything. I want to be selfish and just care about myself. But, really, can I?
People telling me I’m playing with fire, I should pull away before I get burnt. My heart wants to get burnt. My brain doesn’t. And for now I chose to follow the heart.

And before I knew it, I’ve fallen to deep…

Fragility of Life

Once again, I’m reminded of how fragile life is. How easily it is taken away from you, with no warning, nothing to prepare you for the loss you’re about to suffer.

On the 11th of August, my beloved companion was taken away from me. The one who could light up my day, the one who’ll always smile at me. The one who never fail to entertain. Death is a part of life. It’s something that nobody can escape from. Sooner or later, it’ll get you. I just thought “Hey, it’ll be nice to have a little warning.”

I didn’t get to say my proper goodbye. I know that she’s no longer in pain and hope that she’s in peace now. I have to not be selfish and let her go. No matter how difficult it is, no matter how much this is tearing my heart apart. I have to do it for her. I’ll always miss you, I longed for the day I could give you a pet on the head, longed for the day I could feel your warmth against my skin, longed for the day you’d look at me and give me the biggest smile and the brightest shine in your eyes. All that’s left is memory. The memory of your warmth, of your soft fur, of your cheeky grin. All is just a memory, those that will always be kept, never forgotten. The memories may fade as time flies, but I’ll try my very best to keep those memories alive. I’ll talk about you not with tears in my eyes but smile on my face because I’m proud of you for being the best pet you could ever be and I want you to know that. Nothing could ever replace you.

You will always be my special little one. Go on now… Rest in peace.

R.I.P Mimi

Happiness

I am happy now. So I shouldn’t care about what other people think. I deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to have a taste of happines, not caring anything in the world. Everyone deserves to be gullible, to be ignorant, just for once..

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“kthxbye”

This blog is so deserted it’s not even funny.

So last post was may 21st. Let’s just fast forward everything. Birthday surprise on may 29th, birthday party on june 1st, which was a blassst! thanks guys for coming! i’ll upload the photo later. can’t be bothered now. nyahaa. Then it was just study study study. Exam over.  Secret trip, and home!!! So yes, I’m in Singapore now (my 2nd home), going back to Indo tomorrow.

I’m having my winter break now and I foresee that it’s going to be a very busy month, with lots of travelling everywhere. Hmm.. I really have lost the ability to blog. I can’t seem to crack my brain. I’ll leave you people here before I start to speak nonsense. Ciao~

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Foggy Thursday

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Sadly, I wasn’t able to enjoy it. Life in this semester has been really hectic. I don’t have a second to breathe in the beauty. I don’t have a moment for myself. I felt like time just zooms past me, ignoring my presence. Many people on facebook actually wrote on their statuses that they wished there are more than 24 hours a day. Honestly, I don’t. I’m pretty satisfied with 24 hours a day. But what I wish is for time to slow down. I turn away and when I look back, an hour has passed. What?! Where did it go? What did I do?

I’m glad this semester is coming to an end. I really need the break. I want to have time to enjoy the beauty of the world. The tiny little things on earth. The beautiful gradients of the autumn leaves. The clear blue sky, or even the foggy sky.

It was really foggy this morning and I’m not complaining. I always feel like I’m walking in a fog anyways. I can’t see far in front. I can’t tell what’s going to happen further up. I  need the help of the headlights or street lights to help me see. I need the guidance of others to help me walk through the road until the fog clears up. And that’s what life is like for me…

A drop of wisdom

I was just talking to some friends today and one of them was complaining about feeling old as she’s turning 21 soon. The others start to agree that they too feel the same way. They feel sad that they’re growing older. Honestly speaking, I don’t mind growing older. But the amount of responsibilities that you have to take up is freaking me out. Your life will be more than just about playing and having fun, it will demand more things from you. So, one friend, being unusually wise said this:

Sometimes we get too comfortable in our condition that we often forget there’s a change coming our way.

I could not agree less. People are so comfortable in their current situation that they just don’t want to change. They can’t see that change is constant. We like to be in our comfort zone. Being moved away from that is going to leave us disoriented. Being put in a situation where it is beyond our comfort will make us feel so uncomfortable. I’ve written a post about change before in my old blog. I just can’t stop agreeing that change is something that’ll always happen throughout your life. We can put it off for awhile, but we can never get rid of change. Because of this, some of us have developed a kind of defense mechanism. We become afraid of getting too comfortable for fear that things will change. We stopped ourselves from settling into something. But is it really beneficial to develop this kind of mechanism? Is it really necessary? Can we embrace change? Enjoy every single second of it? It is after all an inevitable thing.

Title is so overrated

Yet again, instead of doing my assignment which is due on Monday and is standing at 0% progress at the moment, here I am blogging. I miss you, blog! I actually have a post written in my iPod which is currently back in Jakarta (long story). I’m pretty pissed about the claiming of the tax thingy.. Geezzz.

I’m sick at the moment. Down with flu and cough. Ugh… I managed to survive for awhile until my immune system decides that it is too tired to fight the virus anymore. So here I am, piles of assignments, exams around the corner and sick. Bleah… What a life.

Life has been pretty bleak. Nothing exciting, nothing new. Same old, same old. My brain is full of mucus (ewww), so I can’t squeeze any wisdom post out. Just here to procrastinate. Hah hah.